Mature Objects?
The standard image of teenagers, or young adults, has been essentially the same since I was a teenager in the 80s. This image is deeply contradictory, but it persists.
First the young person himself is characterized like this:
• Smart, Bold, Insecure, Hormonal, Irresponsible
And expectations of him sound like this:
• Sex obsessed, Driven by big ideas, High potential
In some ways the young person is viewed like an unbroken stallion, wild, strong, and could be amazing of only he could be tamed! Songs and movies capitalize on the conundrums and emotional confusion that relate to this way of viewing and of being viewed. A couple dated examples:
I'm in the middle without any plans / I'm a boy and I'm a man
– Alice Cooper, Eighteen
He’s old enough to know what’s right, but young enough not to choose it
– Rush, New World Man
These expressions and many later variants are honest and accurate, simply describing the experience. So when considered as a situation to be handled on the personal level, i.e. handled by the young person and his familial network of support, this is all an expected part of maturation. But when, instead of a local problem, the larger society (that nebulous “they” we complained about as teens) sees “teenage” as its problem to solve, its turbulence to tame, then we have trouble. One example captures this conflict in full detail. Home schooling.
About the time I was emerging into adulthood I became aware of a general stigmatization of cloistered and cultish families who would refuse to send their children to school, and the stigma was coupled to parallels with Jim Jones (1970’s). That spectral narrative continues to be fed from real horrors like David Koresh (1990’s) or Mitchelle Blair in Michigan (2015) who killed two of her kids, and deflected attention from school authorities by claiming to be homeschooling them (the Blair case was, indeed, cited in media when arguing for legislation). Jones, Koresh, and Blair all have no connection to the home school process, neither to the many families who engage in it. But raising these extreme examples creates plausibility for a myth of unhinged parents who are xenophobic either for dogmatic reasons or for a need to cover up abuses. With this image in place, the severity of consequence (dead children) far outweighs its extreme improbability, stoking the emotional craving for some higher authority to oversee and to protect against any such horror.
What an absurd leap! It’s the abuse of the authority that justifies the punishment of the abusers, rather than a complete transference of authority to a larger and more distant authority. The new authority, by implication, must do a better job, right? So does a state institution (a remote guardian) do a better job than a parent (or local guardian) simply by being bigger and more regimented?
But stop for a second and see what’s being overlooked: the young person for whom schooling exists. In this debate talk centers on which authority is more competent and then proceeds to abstractions. Where’s the young person?! Now, take another look at the opening topic: the plight of teen age. Discussions around that are similar, focusing on favored solutions, what programs, what structures, what organizations can give full reign to the pent up energies adolescence. And that is the perceived problem, adolescent energy needing to be corralled and exercised. But is that really the problem? Even if it were it still leaves the person (whose energies are at issue) out of the picture. So let’s reconsider the problem in order to see the person.
A teenager is, as Alice Cooper points out, a semi-mature person, in some ways still a boy, in others a man. Clearly the young person needs help reaching full maturity, making the full conversion from boy to man, from girl to woman. Is maturation stunted simply through lack of activity? My own experience and observations of others suggest that the issues are more fundamental, and more individualized. Specifically, maturation depends on these:
• Degree of familial identity
• Degree of moral grounding
• Degree of emotional maturity
• Degree of intellectual maturity
Now these represent the core faculties of the human being, with the exception of bodily functions, omitted because the first 12 years of life pretty much take care of it, except for puberty, which impacts teens more heavily in the emotional realm than the physical. The transition from boy to man, girl to woman, then, requires practice with these factors. And, in particular, each personality has different levels of need in each area. The best guidance is as individualized as can be, while aiming for a universal model of maturity. One such model comes by way of a famous poem, If, by Rudyard Kipling
Maturity is all about character formation, and that is largely an individual problem in need of personalized help. The best helpers have character formation as their priority, and can connect the ideal with the current needs of the maturing person. Such guides can be parents, relatives, family friends, teachers (from all sorts of organizations), clergy, and neighbors.
So the needs of a teenager are a “local issue.” When seen as the need for guidance in character development—relational, moral, emotional and intellectual—the issues becomes very clear, and the conversation opens up, pulling away from cynical stereotypes. No longer are we looking at untamed animals, or hormonal and unaccountable messes. What we have instead are budding adults, people looking for good guides who can help them navigate temptation and confusion toward a model of good character. Young people needing help shedding the last encumbrances of childishness. With this front and center, both the local persons and the larger society have a clear and common objective for the use of their resources. The teenaged person now becomes a responsible participant in the same objective, and is no longer the object.
First the young person himself is characterized like this:
• Smart, Bold, Insecure, Hormonal, Irresponsible
And expectations of him sound like this:
• Sex obsessed, Driven by big ideas, High potential
In some ways the young person is viewed like an unbroken stallion, wild, strong, and could be amazing of only he could be tamed! Songs and movies capitalize on the conundrums and emotional confusion that relate to this way of viewing and of being viewed. A couple dated examples:
I'm in the middle without any plans / I'm a boy and I'm a man
– Alice Cooper, Eighteen
He’s old enough to know what’s right, but young enough not to choose it
– Rush, New World Man
These expressions and many later variants are honest and accurate, simply describing the experience. So when considered as a situation to be handled on the personal level, i.e. handled by the young person and his familial network of support, this is all an expected part of maturation. But when, instead of a local problem, the larger society (that nebulous “they” we complained about as teens) sees “teenage” as its problem to solve, its turbulence to tame, then we have trouble. One example captures this conflict in full detail. Home schooling.
About the time I was emerging into adulthood I became aware of a general stigmatization of cloistered and cultish families who would refuse to send their children to school, and the stigma was coupled to parallels with Jim Jones (1970’s). That spectral narrative continues to be fed from real horrors like David Koresh (1990’s) or Mitchelle Blair in Michigan (2015) who killed two of her kids, and deflected attention from school authorities by claiming to be homeschooling them (the Blair case was, indeed, cited in media when arguing for legislation). Jones, Koresh, and Blair all have no connection to the home school process, neither to the many families who engage in it. But raising these extreme examples creates plausibility for a myth of unhinged parents who are xenophobic either for dogmatic reasons or for a need to cover up abuses. With this image in place, the severity of consequence (dead children) far outweighs its extreme improbability, stoking the emotional craving for some higher authority to oversee and to protect against any such horror.
What an absurd leap! It’s the abuse of the authority that justifies the punishment of the abusers, rather than a complete transference of authority to a larger and more distant authority. The new authority, by implication, must do a better job, right? So does a state institution (a remote guardian) do a better job than a parent (or local guardian) simply by being bigger and more regimented?
But stop for a second and see what’s being overlooked: the young person for whom schooling exists. In this debate talk centers on which authority is more competent and then proceeds to abstractions. Where’s the young person?! Now, take another look at the opening topic: the plight of teen age. Discussions around that are similar, focusing on favored solutions, what programs, what structures, what organizations can give full reign to the pent up energies adolescence. And that is the perceived problem, adolescent energy needing to be corralled and exercised. But is that really the problem? Even if it were it still leaves the person (whose energies are at issue) out of the picture. So let’s reconsider the problem in order to see the person.
A teenager is, as Alice Cooper points out, a semi-mature person, in some ways still a boy, in others a man. Clearly the young person needs help reaching full maturity, making the full conversion from boy to man, from girl to woman. Is maturation stunted simply through lack of activity? My own experience and observations of others suggest that the issues are more fundamental, and more individualized. Specifically, maturation depends on these:
• Degree of familial identity
• Degree of moral grounding
• Degree of emotional maturity
• Degree of intellectual maturity
Now these represent the core faculties of the human being, with the exception of bodily functions, omitted because the first 12 years of life pretty much take care of it, except for puberty, which impacts teens more heavily in the emotional realm than the physical. The transition from boy to man, girl to woman, then, requires practice with these factors. And, in particular, each personality has different levels of need in each area. The best guidance is as individualized as can be, while aiming for a universal model of maturity. One such model comes by way of a famous poem, If, by Rudyard Kipling
Maturity is all about character formation, and that is largely an individual problem in need of personalized help. The best helpers have character formation as their priority, and can connect the ideal with the current needs of the maturing person. Such guides can be parents, relatives, family friends, teachers (from all sorts of organizations), clergy, and neighbors.
So the needs of a teenager are a “local issue.” When seen as the need for guidance in character development—relational, moral, emotional and intellectual—the issues becomes very clear, and the conversation opens up, pulling away from cynical stereotypes. No longer are we looking at untamed animals, or hormonal and unaccountable messes. What we have instead are budding adults, people looking for good guides who can help them navigate temptation and confusion toward a model of good character. Young people needing help shedding the last encumbrances of childishness. With this front and center, both the local persons and the larger society have a clear and common objective for the use of their resources. The teenaged person now becomes a responsible participant in the same objective, and is no longer the object.
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